Friday, December 07, 2012

Hiker Regains Strut

In a nation awash in deferred maintenance and decaying infrastructure, one citizen resists the rising tide of consumerism, neglect and disposal, and dares to repair. It is a struggle fraught with setbacks and unforeseen challenges, but surrender is not an option. To understand what we're up against, consider what is entailed in even a minor repair of a minor, rather wooden character who dates back to a family trip to Europe in 1964.

This character lives ostensibly to blow smoke, an occupation not unlike some in the political realm, but this is a highly aromatic smoke generated by incense burning deep within. In other words, this pipe-smoking Pinocchio has soul. When not standing on our bookshelf, he appears to live a highly sustainable life, foraging in the Alps for firewood, which he carries down a steep mountain path to his chalet. The pleasures of the pipe may compensate in some way for a lack of electricity.

Here, in the first segment of our ongoing "Don't try this at home" home repair series, are detailed instructions on how to approach this deceptively simple-looking fix.
  1. Note that Entropy has wrested a support strut loose from the pipe-smoking, wood collector's backpack. 
  2. Place man and loose piece somewhere where they won't be disturbed or lost.
  3. Wait a month or two (further procrastination optional), for the right time and mood to present themselves.
  4. Wait several more months.
  5. Finally, when that special moment arrives, seek glue in basement.
  6. On the way to get glue, note that clothes need washing.
  7. Start load of clothes.
  8. Return upstairs having completely forgotten about repair.
  9. Begin sweeping floor.
  10. Happen to see figure while sweeping.
  11. Return to basement for glue.
  12. Find glue and attempt to use. Notice blockage in spout.
  13. Note with gratitude that not all glue in container has hardened.
  14. Find toothpick and poke inside spout. No result.
  15. Find stronger prying implement--a small screwdriver, perhaps.
  16. Unscrew glue top and remove plug of hardened glue. Screw top back on.
  17. Still no flow of glue.
  18. Unscrew top again and remove other plug of hardened glue higher up in spout. Screw back on.
  19. At long last, apply glue. 
  20. Put wooden piece in place on figure's backpack. Allow to dry.

That's a mere 20 steps required to place a dinky piece of wood back on the pipe-smoking, wood-carrying hiker in the Alps. As bonuses, some clothes got washed and the bottle of glue should be all set for its next use a year or two hence.

Time to light up the pipe and celebrate.
Ah, the sweet smell of success.

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